The Old Apartment
The Old Apartment
Falling For The First Time
Brian Wilson
One Week
Yoko Ono
Alternative Girlfriend
It's Only Me (The Wizard Of Magicland)
If I Had $1000000
Call And Answer
Get In Line
It's All Been Done
Jane
Lovers In A Dangerous Time
Pinch Me
Shoebox
What A Good Boy
Too Little Too Late
Enid
Thanks That Was Fun
Broke into the old apartment
This is where we used to live
Broken glass, broke and hungry
Broken hearts and broken bones
This is where we used to live
Why did you paint the walls?
Why did you clean the floor?
Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?
This is where we used to live.
Why did you keep the mousetrap?
Why did you keep the dishrack?
These things used to be mine
I guess they are, I want them back
Broke into the old apartment
Forty-two stairs from the street
Crooked landing, crooked landlord
Narrow laneway filled with crooks
This is where we used to live
Why did htey pave the lawn?
Why did they change the locks?
Why did I have to break it, I only came here to talk.
This is where we used to live.
How is the neighbour downstairs?
How is her temper this year?
I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun
I know we don't live here anymore
We bought an old house on the Danforth
She loves me and her body keeps me warm
I'm happy there
But this is where we used to live
Broke into the old apartment
Tore the phoe out of the wall
Only memories, fading memories
Blending into dull tableaux
I want them back
I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser
I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out
I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby
I'm so fly, that's probably why it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time.
I'm so green, it's really amazing
I'm so clean, too bad I can't get all this dirt off of me
I'm so sane, it's driving me crazy
It's so strange, I can't believe it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time
Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind
And it feels just like I'm falling for the first time
It feels just like I'm falling for the first time
I'm so chill, no wonder it's freezing
I'm so still, I just can't keep my fingers out of anything
I'm so thrilled to finally be failing
I'm so done, turn me over cause it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time
Anything plain can be lovely, anything loved can be lost
Maybe I lost my direction, what if our love is the cost?
Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind
Drove downtown in the rain
nine-thirty on a tuesday night,
just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call in insane;
but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop.
It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning
it's a matter of fact.
You can call me Pavlov's dog
Ring a bell and I'll salivate -
how'd you like that?
Dr. Landy tell me you're not just a pedagogue,
'cause right now I'm
CHORUS:
Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.
So I'm lying here
just staring at the ceiling tiles,
and I'm thinking about what to think about.
Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile,
and I'm wondering if this is some kind of creative drought
because I'm
CHORUS
And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox,
wondering where the hell all the love has gone,
Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun
and singing "Fun, Fun, Fun."
CHORUS
I had a dream
that I was three hundred pounds
and though I was very heavy
I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground
I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me because I'm
CHORUS
Drove downtown in the rain
nine-thirty on a tuesday night,
just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane;
but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop.
It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to one side and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together, come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry
Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish,
although I like the Chalet Swiss
And I like the sushi 'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Like Andrew Lloyd, I've got a big show
Mine's about a Back-Hoe
There'll be a big sound from the pavement
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, 'cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
'Cause it's so dangerous, you'll have to sign a waiver
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry
Chickity China the Chinese chicken
Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic
Like Sting, I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurasawa, I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Like Skywalker, gotta big hunch
Hey, that's my lunch
Yoda's a really, really old guy
Gonna get a set a'better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
'Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
If there's someone you can live without
then do so.
And if there's someone you can just shove out;
Do so.
CHORUS:
You can be my Yoko Ono
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my, be my, be my Yoko Ono.
Isn't it beautiful to see two people so much in love?
Barenaked as two virgins hand in hand and hand
and hand in glove
Now that I'm far away it doesn't seem to me to be such a pain
To have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain.
CHORUS
Oh no, here we go,
our life is just one big pun.
Ono, here we go as Yoko sings
Aieee!
I know that when I say this,
I may be stepping on pins and needles;
But I don't like all these people slagging her
for breaking up the Beatles. (Don't blame it on Yokey!)
If I was John and you were Yoko
I would gladly give up musical genius
just to have you as my very own person Venus.
(Hit it!)
CHORUS
You're in an all-girl band
Your futon's second hand
Your parents understand, but you don't care.
I have a job in a shop
I'm an undercover cop
I make sure the customers aren't thieves
Old at being young
Young at being old
Everything's on hold within our evolution
CHORUS:
You're my alternative girlfriend
I love you, and now you cannot pretend
There's nothing left that won't cross over
Last night we slept on the lawn
You woke up and I was gone
Back to the dream I dream to leave
My life with her is a bore
A worn-out metaphor
No more surprises up its sleeve
We're old at being young
Young at being old
Everything's been sold to others' revolutions
CHORUS
You love above your dad's four-car garage
With your vinyl and imaginary entourage
If I pull up in a U-Haul, pack up quick
So we can get out of this town 'cause it makes me sick
CHORUS
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice reliant automobile)
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love.
If I had a million dollars
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had a million dollars
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had a million dollars
Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there
Wouldn't that be fabulous.
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you an exotic pet (like a llama or an emu)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (all them crazy elephant bones)
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love.
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would.
We'd actually make the treefort from the first chorus out of it. MMM.
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress that's cruel)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love.
If I had a million dollars,
If I had a million dollars,
If I had a million dollars,
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich.
I think it's getting to the point where I can be myself again
I think it's getting to the point where we have almost made amends
I think it's getting to the point that is the hardest part
CHORUS:
and if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home
You think I only think about you when we're both in the same room
You think I'm only here to witness the remains of love exhumed
You think we're here to play a game of who loves more than whom
CHORUS
You think it's only fair to do what's best for you and you alone
You think it's only fair to do the same to me when you're not home
I think it's time to make this something that is more than only fair
CHORUS
But I'm warning you, don't ever do
those crazy, messed-up things that you do
If you ever do, I promise you
I'll be the first to crucify you
Now it's time to prove that you've come back here to rebuild
rebuild... (repeated)
Everywhere I go someone's tryin' to be my girlfriend's best friend
I'm tryin' to pretend I'm relaxed but I'm playin' castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her space
But a guy's always there ready to jump right up and take my place
Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool out of me.
Everybody open you're mouth
Everybody just say Ahhhhh (Ah Ahh Ahh Ahhhhh)
Everything will be all right
If you play along
Everywhere I go there's someone in a trench coat staring at me
When I'm not at home I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram-shaped rash.
Everybody open you're mouth
Everybody just say Ahhhhh (Ah Ahh Ahh Ahhhhh)
Everything will be all right
This won't hurt at all
Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (cooouuuggghhh)
Everything will be all right
If you just lay off
Dictate a memo to myself
Try to find if I'm the only one in complete health
Consult contemporaries if there's some to see
There really isn't anyone who's in my league
Every night at Elaine's someone thinks they have to find beyond me
I try to take three deep breaths as I lock and arm my mini-van
Everyone says I'm looking great
But it's hard to stand-up let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew hadn't sold out to the man
Everybody open you're mouth
Everybody just say Ahhhhh (Ah Ahh Ahh Ahhhhh)
Everything will be all right
This won't hurt at all
Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (cooouuuggghhh)
Everything will be all right
If you just lay
Everything will be all right
If you just lay
Everything will be all right
If you just lay off
I met you before the fall of Rome
And I begged you to let me take you home
You were wrong, I was right
You said goodbye, I said goodnight
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before
I knew you before the west was won
And I heard you say the past was much more fun
You go your way, I'll go mine
But I'll see you next time
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before
And if I put my fingers here,
And if I say "I love you, dear"
And if I play the same three chords,
Will you just yawn and say
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before
Alone and bored on a thirtieth-century night
Will I see you on The Price Is Right?
Will I cry? Will I smile?
As you run down the aisle?
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before
The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair
Was dazzled by her smile while I shopped there
It wasn't long before I lived with her
I sang her songs while she dyed her hair
Jane, divided, but I can't decide what side I'm on
Jane decided only cowards stay, while traitors run
Jane, Jane
I'd bring her gold and frankincense and myrrh
She thought that that I was making fun of her
She made me feel I was fourteen again
That's why she thinks it's cooler if we'd just stay friends.
Jane doesn't think a man could ever be faithful
Jane isn't giving me a chance to be shameful
Jane, Jane
I wrote a letter, she should have got it yesterday
That life could be better by being together
Is what I cannot explain to Jane.
The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair
Still dazzled by her smile while I shoplift there
No promises as vague as Heaven
No Juliana next to my Evan
Jane, desired by the people at the school and work
Jane is tired, 'cause every man becomes a lovesick jerk
Jane, Jane
The hours grow shorter as the days go by
We never get to stop and open our eyes
One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall
The next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
These fragile bodies of touch and taste
This vibrant skin, this hair like lace
Spirits open to the thrust of grace
Never a breath you can afford to waste
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
You got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
We were lovers in a dangerous time
We were lovers in a dangerous time
It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside
CHORUS:
It's like a dream you try to remember but it's gone
Then you try to scream, but it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time, 'cause the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile
When you realize a guy my size might take a while
Just try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
Change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
And sleep away the afternoon
CHORUS
Pinch me, pinch me
'cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me
that I'm still asleep
On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
Who'll notice that I'm not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say underwear
I could leave, but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway
CHORUS
A key in the door, a step on the floor
A note on the table, and a meal in the micro
Note says "I'm in bed, please make sure that you're fed
If you're taking a shower, you can borrow my bathrobe
When I'm asleep I dream you move in next week"
I crumple the note and save it to put inside
CHORUS:
My shoe box
Shoe box of lies
Shoe box
Shoe box of lies
It's under my bed, it's never been read
It's in with my school stuff and my mom never cleans there
From my first little fib, when I still wore a bib
To my latest attempt at pretending I'm someone
Who's not seventeen, doesn't know what you mean
When talk turns to single malts, or stilton, or
CHORUS
Did somebody tell you
This is how it's supposed to be?
Or did you just find it
And you don't want any more from me?
CHORUS
Was it something I said, or was it something you read
That's making me think that I should never have come here
I can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye,
I can tell you I'm sorry, but I can't tell you the truth, dear
And what if I could - would it do any good?
You'll still never get to see the contents of
CHORUS
You're so nineteen-ninety
And it's nineteen-ninety-four
Leave this world behind me
'Cause you don't want me anymore
When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born, they looked at you and said
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.
We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
people want to strangle us with them
before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.
CHORUS:
This name is the hairshirt I wear,
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me,
be with me tonight,
I know that it isn't right,
but be with me tonight.
I go to school, I write exams,
If I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget,
'cause it won't take much for me
to show that my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange,
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change
I wake up scared, I wake up strange,
and everything around me stays the same.
CHORUS
I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper,
sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right,
so instead, I looked in the mirror
watched tv laid awake all night.
We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks
people want to strange us with them
before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
when temptation calls....
CHORUS
When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born, they looked at you and said
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, Hey.
You say, "Why does everything revolve around you?"
You say, "Why does everything I do confound you?"
You say that I pulled the world from under you,
You can't go through it this time
I could be good, and I would
If I knew I was understood
And it'll be great, just wait
Or is it too little too late?
One day, this embarrassment will fade behind me
And that day I could think of things that won't remind me
But these days it's unbearable for both of us,
We can't discuss it this way.
I'm gaining strength, trying to learn to pull my own weight
But I'm gaining pounds at the precipice of Too Late
Just wait.
I could be good, and I would
If I knew I was understood
And it'll be great, just wait
Or is it too little too late?
Record and play, after years of endless rewind
Yesterday wasn't half as tough as this time
This time isn't Hell,
Last time, couldn't tell
This mind wasn't well
Next time hope I'm...
Going to be good, and I would
If I knew I was understood
And it'll be great, just wait
Or is it too little too late?
CHORUS:
Enid we never really knew each other anyway
Enid we never really knew each other anyway
It took me a year to believe it was over
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when you wrote me those letters
and everytime I remember the taste of your lip gloss.
CHORUS
Maybe we always saw right though each other anyway.
but Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
There were times when I wanted to hurt you,
and there were times when I know that I did.
Ther were times when I thought I would kill you,
but can you blame me I was only a kid.
Tell me why we never respected each other
and tell me why I never believed you were a person too
I always thought that you fancied my borhter.
I may not have liked it, oh
but memory is a strange thing, oh,
and Enid?
Enid I remember you.
CHORUS
Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway,
but Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
It took me a year to believe it was over,
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when you wrote me those letters,
and everytime you told me to get lost.
Now it's not fair to say that it's
'cause I was three inches shorter then,
and it's not fair to say that it's
'cause I was only fifteen years old.
But maybe it's fair to say there was
a lack of communication;
I took a phone message, oh and
speaking of communication, oh and Enid,
Enid you caught a cold.
I can get a job I can pay the phone bills
I can cut the lawn cut my hair cut out my cholesterol
I can work overtime I can work in a mine
I can do it all for you,
But I don't want to.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
I'm learning.
I'm yearning.
I'm burning all your stuff but that's not enough.
I'm faking that I'm aching, mistaking lust for love.
Thanks that was fun.
Don't forget, no regrets except maybe one.
Did I scare you, when I dared you?
I stared you in the eye and told you goodbye.
You mocked me.
It shocked me when you walked me to the bus.
Thanks that was fun.
Don't forget, no regrets except maybe one.
Made a deal not to feel, god that's dumb.
Everybody knows the deal fell through.
I was hoping I could just blame you.
When was it that I became so soft?
This sentimentality doesn't look good on me.
I thought that you would be begging to be with me.
I'm the one on my knees blubbering please let me stay.
Deflated and jaded.
I hated when you call which isn't at all.
I've spoken though broken.
Here's a token of my love.
Thanks that was fun.
Don't forget, no regrets except maybe one.
Made a deal not to feel, god that was dumb.
Don't forget, no regrets, except maybe one.
Made a deal not to feel.
Thanks that was fun.